Non-Death Loss and Grief
A Guide to Non-Death Loss and Grief for All Cornell Staff and Faculty
As part of the Community Wellbeing Series, jointly sponsored by Workforce Wellbeing, Faculty Staff Assistance Program (FSAP), and the Dept. of Inclusion and Belonging
Many of us experience and carry “hidden losses”—changes in our lives, relationships, work, and sense of self that do not involve death, yet still bring real grief. With all that is going on in the world, country, and campus right now, this guide is intended to name these losses, acknowledge the accompanying feelings, and provide suggestions for how individuals and communities can navigate them with care and understanding.
What We Mean by Non-Death Loss
Non-death loss includes meaningful changes such as:
- Loss of identity, role, or direction
- Changes in relationships—with others, institutions, systems, or yourself
- Loss of trust, meaning, or stability
- Shifts in health, independence, or ability
- Letting go of an imagined future or expectations
- Feeling unable to stay grounded amid constant demands and information
We are often grieving what could have been or what we expected something to be.
Why These Losses Can Feel So Difficult
Many non-death losses are:
- Invisible or ambiguous
- Minimized by ourselves or others
- Accompanied by thoughts like “I should be grateful”
- Connected to shame, comparison, or self-judgment
If it feels hard to name or talk about your experience, you are not alone—and your response is valid.
Common Emotional Responses
Non-death loss can bring a wide range of emotions that can show up suddenly or build over time, whether at work, home, alone, or with others. Emotions such as:
- Sadness, grief, or emptiness
- Irritability or anger (“this isn’t fair”)
- Anxiety, overwhelm, or uncertainty
- Numbness or disconnection
- Confusion about identity (“Who am I now?”, “Who are we now?”)
- Loneliness—even in community
- Relief, hope, and insight—sometimes at the same time
- Loss of focus or energy for things that used to excite you
Naming and acknowledging the feeling can help regulate it. When emotions arise, notice, name, and sense where they are in your body. A feeling is something you are experiencing—not all of who you are.
Ways to Support Yourself and Your Community
Name the Loss
Pause and gently identify what has changed:
- What feels different?
- What matters about that change?
Even acknowledging: “This matters to me” or “This is impacting our team” can help bring clarity. When loss is acknowledged, it becomes more manageable—and less isolating.
Allow Mixed Feelings
You or your team/community members may feel conflicting emotions at once:
- Grief and gratitude
- Relief and sadness
- Hope and uncertainty
This is a natural and fluid part of processing change. It’s important to honor and respond with flexibility and adaptability.
Practice Compassion
Relate to yourself and/or your team/community the way you would to a trusted friend.
| Instead of: | Try: |
“I should be over this by now.” |
“Of course this is hard- it makes sense to feel this way.” |
“Work still needs to get done regardless of staff shortages.” |
“I know we’re all being asked to do a lot right now- let’s talk about how we can do what we need to and still take care of ourselves.” |
“I/we have got to just get back to normal.” |
“What might this feeling be saying? Is there an unmet need such as rest, clarity, support, or connection that needs to be dealt with?" |
We are all holding a great deal —personally, professionally, and globally. Be gentle with yourself and others, recognizing that our capacity has limits. Those limits are part of being human, not a sign of failure.
Rebuild Steadiness in Small Ways
- Limit constant news and notifications.
- Take breaks from information overload.
- Adopt or return to simple routines.
- Focus on what is within your control.
- Identify other helpful outlets to channel mental and emotional energy.
- Demonstrate intentional and sincere acts of gratitude to yourself, others, and your team or community.
- Stay connected to reduce the isolation of hidden loss.
However you and your community are showing up right now is valid and welcome. Small acts of understanding, connection, and care toward yourself and others can still be meaningful as you navigate challenges, uncertainty, and loss.
Consider Reaching Out to FSAP for Confidential Support if You’re Experiencing:
- Persistent or overwhelming distress
- Difficulty sleeping or functioning day-to-day
- Strong self-criticism or inability to access compassion
- Past experiences or trauma being reactivated
- A feeling of “this is too much to carry alone”
You do not need to wait until things feel severe. Support can come at any stage and no one has to navigate these experiences alone.
Contact FSAP
fsap.cornell.edu | Phone: 607-255-2673 | Email: fsap@cornell.edu
Additional Sources of Support:
Cornell Work/Life: Email: worklife@cornell.edu | Phone: 607-255-1917
Department of Inclusion and Belonging: Email: inclusion@cornell.edu | Visit DIB’s website
